Coming back home...

My friend and I were talking today about how hard it is to take a less popular path in life such as choosing Waldorf Education for our children as opposed to Mainstream. We attended a Mary Willow Parent Evening at school last night which was outstanding. See www.plumparenting.com if you are interested. The topic arose about how we cope as parents when our children are exposed to values and behaviours that are not in line with our beliefs and boundaries that we practice in our own homes. This issue obviously struck a note for many of us. The way of life we choose for our children at home and in education is often misunderstood by many people around us and close to us. So I find I am often in conversations with others where the thought of explaining our choices is painful and I rather not go there. And certainly giving these people small snippets of the huge picture that is Waldorf Education doesn't do it justice. I have been told that people need to find it for themselves. So when family and friends see your path in not so supportive ways or worse with little interest, it can be exhausting, isolating and frustrating. SOOOO all the more reason for having a brilliant network within the Waldorf community. People who have chosen to step outside the box too. People who understand and are passionate about this. We need to have opportunities available to build these relationships with each other. To me some days stepping into the school grounds or a meeting or just seeing someone out and about from the 'community' I feel like I am home. I can breathe easy and feel like we have got each others back. It doesn't always go smooth sailing...don't get me wrong...sometimes there are judgements within the Waldorf walls depending on how 'Steiner' your life practices are in the clothes you wear, the food you eat and words you use...but nevertheless I will take this community and embrace it and strengthen it with all my might... This is definitely one of my life purposes!!! I feel more at home here than I do anywhere else especially with my children.

I have been thinking...

I have been thinking a lot lately about my next post and what I would like to say. I wanted it to be just right and have wonderful, positive things to share but after speaking today with a lovely friend of mine I have had a change in tune. We discussed how every mum seems to blog about the beautiful experiences they have with their children and the great things going on in their lives but I am often left thinking after reading them...gosh I am useless...I never have the energy to do that or this. My friend mentioned that this is the case also on facebook etc with people always posting their daily doings through rose tinted glasses. The thought of following suit really made me uncomfortable particularly this last month. Personally I have struggled the last few weeks as a mother and I put myself out there and share this with you. First and foremost I am my own worst enemy because when I feel low I try to convince myself that I live a blessed life so therefore I cannot justify feeling down in the dumps and don't deserve any attention or help because it seems like I am being weak. Next I avoid people so I don't have to fake my happiness and set myself up for my own perceived rejection by others which sends me further downhill. So like I say so far it is my own doing. Then I bring my children into the picture whom I love dearly but are more challenging it seems lately. I always blamed myself for going back to work too soon with my second child as he became more aggressive once he entered childcare after his first birthday. However now my third child is into his second year and I am a stay at home mummy he seems to be having the same changes much to my dismay. So my childcare theory has been thrown out the window and I now reflect back on myself again. And I am sinking with the thoughts of how will I cope with these two energetic boys as well as my seven year old daughter who is the sweetest thing but has her ears glued on most of the time. I get frustrated all the time!!!!!! I question my ability to be a good mum constantly and am left wondering whether I would be better off entering the workforce again to get back some sanity. Then comes the GUILT again. So that's my pretty picture in a nutshell. I know no one currently reads this but you never know. There are other mums out there going through a million worse things than this and I am so aware of this (bring in my little voice saying be grateful!!!) I guess I am in a rut and this is my shout out to the world...Are you too? I want purpose and passion back. Can we have this as stay at home mothers for real??? Enough of the faking...I want to genuinely be joyful.

"When your trying to motivate yourself, appreciate the fact that you are even thinking about making the change. As you move yourself forward, allow yourself to be good enough." Alice Domar

Hello world

I live just outside Hamilton on our little piece of paradise with my husband and three lovely children. I am always interested in making connections with people who I meet as I live my life hence I decided to start my own blog. I am blown away by the amazing blogs out there that other mothers create. I see amazing ideas, craft, cooking, parenting advice, adventures etc and wonder how can I do that too? But I can't. I can only be as I can be. So I hope to include snippets from my life whether it be 'not quite what I had planned' craft, or 'why has that not worked?' baking, or readings and ideas about what I am passionate about -children, mothers and education. So here I am. Just me and maybe the little voice in my head...